I’ve been the parent of the child who is seen as a problem by his teacher. Maybe you have been this parent too. Perhaps you are a parent who dreads picking their child up from preschool everyday because while you hope (and pray) that you will be greeted with glee about the great day your child had but instead you are informed of the multiple ways your child broke rules and behaved poorly. The teacher’s tone is cold and tired while you gaze sadly at your child who is eager to leave, yet is taking in the words as they are delivered. You begin to fear that he is starting to believe that this is who he is – a problem.
After school you spend your time together working on how to follow the rules and behave better yet the same misbehavior does not exist in the world outside the classroom. You are grasping at straws and spending too much time on Google looking for solutions to problems that are seemingly insurmountable. Your soul hurts and you are just worn out.
Hang in there! It will get better because your child is not bad; he is simply having bad moments amidst his good day. Find the good and let it grow.
I want to help fix the problem, but where do I begin?
To start, try taking a break from just hearing all the bad. Yes, you as a parent have to work on poor behavior with your child and help them understand what they need to do to be successful in their classroom, but first you need some good feedback to build on. Tell me something good! Out of exhaustion one day I simply asked my son’s teacher, “What did my child do today that was good?” She gave an exhausted, generic answer like, “Oh he’s so smart.” While I was happy to hear my child is smart repeatedly, the response didn’t really answer my question since you can be smart and behave poorly. I kindly requested a specific example of good behavior from that day, which she had to think hard for, but it gave us something encouraging to talk about on the ride home and to build on.
Providing the opportunity for my child to be seen positively created an environment where he quickly became proud of all the good moments of his day. Soon those good moments outweighed the not so good simply because we asked a teacher to start telling us something good.
Try it! Ask about the good things your child is doing and don’t settle for a generic answer. Ask everyday. Let your child hear adults talking about the good they do. It is so easy to focus on the bad, yet when we look for the good, it is amazing how much of it we start to see was there all along.
Get a FREE printable daily progress report!
If you need help making the shift in perspective with your preschool teacher, please utilize this free printable progress report. It is great to have documentation of daily behavior goals as well as positive feedback!